In communication one party has an intent which is translated into words and actions which impacts the other. Because of the ‘arc of distortion’ the person sending may not send it in a way that fulfills the intent or the person receiving may be impacted in a way that was never intended!
Tip 1) Don’t let impact win the battle over intent! If you’re impacted in a negative way, check out to see if you even know the words the other said let alone the meaning intended.
Tip 2)”Of course!” Things break- liquid spills- “of course” is the beautiful response! “Oh, that’s how that beautiful cup finally ended it’s life” Regret is appropriate. Blame does not fix it!
Tip 3) Forgo “what if”. Embrace “what is” as each fleeting moment is present!
Tip 4) Be confident enough in yourself to embrace the phrase “always within me there is the rumor that I may be wrong- and that’s my growing edge!” Graciousness and lightness will embrace you!
Tip5) if your partner forgets something and is becoming more prone to forgetfulness, don’t say, “Don’t you remember?” Rather say nothing, or if they’re aware that they forgot, say “We all forget”. Repeating what’s written above, accept “what is”.
Tip6) Say “Thanks” and “Your welcome”.
The German priest Meister Eckhart wrote 700 years ago, ” If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is’Thank you’ it will be enough!”
Tip7) In conflict moments realize that your judgments about the other are inside you and therefore about you. What is outside you is what the person actually intended, said, and did. That’s what needs to be clarified.
Tip8) Romance, that is being in love with the fantasy part of the other, is beautiful, but what sustains a partnership is commitment to the relationship.
Tip9) Take a deep breath, settle down, remember past beautiful memories perhaps still captured in photos.
Tip10) Remember to say, “I love you.”
Credit: Warren Bennis (Intro), Rodney Coates (Tip 1), Stephen Levine (Tip 2), Howard Thurman (Tip 4), Meister Eckhart (Tip 6).